Mommy, our childhood is not here to stay!

My son asked me, “Mom, will you make me sleep till I go to high school or even after that?”

And I said “Grown up children sleep on their own.”

But, mom, our love also grows when we grow, and I love you more every day, and that means I need you more every day.” He adds up,  “Mum, why do  parents always want their children to grow up early, do things like big boys/girls? Do parents not like small kids, and things they do?

And then the questions started raining, and rather than finding their answers, I started questioning myself for many reasons. I was lost; lost in the world I created for my kids and myself.

Mum, don’t you like when I ask you to watch a football match with me or play a game?” I said, “Yes, honey! Of course I do.”

But then why do you not do that often?”, he said.

I had no answer to this! Deep down we both knew the answer that I am usually busy juggling office and home, and not able to find enough time to do this. But I didn’t want to give this answer to him, rather I asked myself, Why do I need to be that busy that I miss these chances that will never come again in life?

Mom, why are you always cranky in the evening, when you come back from office, and don’t seem interested in whatever I say about my day in school, with friends, in the playground, but you always ask about my homework, notebooks, school dairy?”

Why are you always in a hurry to cook, to serve us dinner, to make us sleep, to wake us up early in the morning, to complete our homework? Why don’t you sit with us for some time?”

I again had no answer to this!

Mom, you know I like it when you are at home with us, when you take an off from work, or on a Sunday, and we sit and watch TV with a cup of tea; and when we dance together, even if I don’t like to dance on those silly songs you dance on; and when we lie down together on the couch for hours, and watch my old baby videos.”

I love that too, my baby”, I said. And again I got lost in scratching out the real meaning behind these questions and replies.

Mom, I can see many times you are very tired, but still cook for us, help us in homework, I always want to help you in kitchen, but you don’t allow me use knife, or handle hot pots, or go near gas stove. So tell me how can I do that?” and I laughed at this, and my son laughed even louder, and I asked, “Why did you laugh?” He replied, “Because you were happy and laughing.”

I couldn’t think beyond this! Just that, I have everything, but still I am losing a lot that will never come again; my children’s childhood; their innocence; their silly stories; their genuine emotions about the world around; those cuddly nights; their soft, chubby cheeks; those squeezing hugs full of love and that duckling trail- like after mama duck 😉

We must not take all this for granted. Our kids give us everything they have unconditionally, and our time and smile is all that they look for!

Copying a Wrong Behavior is Tempting!

Should We Copy in Relationships?

A book I read recently, by a well known spiritual guru, talks about woman and her powers, and I came across a section which suggests on how to get over your insecurities , jealousy and desire for love when you find your man inclined towards other women? And the suggestion is to do the same as your man is doing to you, because it’s your right too.

I agree on the point of equality here, but I really find it ridiculous where it says & recommends copying the behavior of a married man, or a man in relationship who is inclined towards other women and making his woman suffer. I believe this is not what spiritualism guides you to; rather it’s the baby of materialism, where you want to satisfy your needs at any cost. Copying a wrong attribute or behavior is not a path to quench your thirst and fulfill your desires just because you think that the other person will feel and understand your problem when he faces the same. And, if it’s about thinking for our own individualities, our own dreams & desires, why do we get into relationships? What is the meaning of being into a relationship? It’s also mentioned in the book, if a man is involved in many other love affairs, his woman also has the right to live her own happiness and can get involved with other men. First of all, it’s not about men or women; it can be either ways, initiated by a man or a woman in a relationship.

But why the person should not copy his partner in terms of self-interest, fulfillment of material, emotional and sexual desires?

Firstly, the person who is suffering of betrayal or infidelity, or ignorance, knows the amount of pain that is caused due to this, so whoever is truly in love, true to his/her relationship,, or humane in nature will never cause that amount of pain to his/her partner.

Secondly, when a person realizes that his/her partner is doing something that is wrong and not acceptable, neither in society , nor in a personal relationship, and also, if the wrong behavior of that partner has troubled the family & relationships severely, why would a sane person do exactly the same to ruin the complete identity of that relationship?

Thirdly, a relationship as an entity or as a word has no existence when the people in it run in opposite directions to attain materialistic accomplishments. How can it be called a relationship? It becomes an agreement, like a rent agreement in most cases where the landlord and the tenant share the same house but they are not concerned to each other’s life. And an agreement is not a relationship. Even if one of the partners is walking in the wrong direction, it’s the other partner’s responsibility to help him/her get back to the right, but if he/she doesn’t come back, this should not make the other person to get on the wrong track too. It’s his/her choice how to make things better for himself/herself. I would never recommend clinging on to the person who no longer cares for you; I would never suggest lamenting over the situation and treating yourself as victim; I would also not say not to enjoy your life and freedom given by God. But’ copying the wrong behavior is not a solution.

I understand that a lot of times women have limited options and they have to settle for less, but believe me God never compromises on his children, and He never gives up on them. A good woman will always be in control, in control of God and His Will, in control of her kids’ love for her, their dependability on her, in control of the law of gratitude and the law of karma. And when she is control, she will make the best choices for herself and the family. And the same goes for a good man.

A lot of things in his/her life will take a backseat; I would not say to renounce those desires, or to pressurize oneself to an extent of explosion, but to let them subside for some time and put the priorities according to the need of the hour, keeping in mind all the consequences of the choices. And remember, those things at the backseat will be reached out eventually through the efforts that he/she is going to put during the transformation process. Ultimately, this transformation, upliftment of thoughts, actions and soul will prove beneficial for the partner who is trying to get things right, not for the one who is blindly walking into the black hole. But one should also not compromise on his/her values and self-respect; it’s your right to protect them and fight for them.

Lastly, the desire for love that goes missing when such occurrences happen can be rekindled in oneself through a lot of different ways, of getting closer to the people or friends who love you, getting close to nature and things you love to do; your kids’ love, or your parents’ love and support is the best medicine to this ailment.

Following the person who is walking blindly will close all the doors to happiness and when we say happiness, it means PERMANENT HAPPINESS, and that can only be achieved when you do what is right and not under the influence of temporary or momentary happiness, because then you will again  get disheartened and discontented.

Falling in Love with Yourself

Falling in Love with yourself! It’s the most difficult thing to get your hands on, because we always connect our happiness to others, may be to people, material things or favorable times. But, I believe, when we reach this level of spirituality where we fall in love with ourselves and our Lord, we lose all fears, all apprehensions, all hurt, and all resentments in our minds and hearts. Amazing feeling it is!! You don’t renounce the worldly things, but you enjoy what God has provided you with. Your life transforms, and you start doing things for yourself that you used think you couldn’t do alone; or things you were doing only for others. This stage will not make you self-centered, thinking only about yourself, because the process of reaching this state would have already taught you to be balanced in your thoughts and actions. So, you won’t quit thinking and working for others, but the addition to your life would be ‘Loving Yourself’, which you actually missed earlier.

It’s beautiful…beautiful…. beautiful to fall in love with yourself. You sing beautiful songs for yourself; you feel confident about your existence in this world; you inspire others; you get motivated to do more good, because you feel good; you dress-up well to feel good; you make yourself a hot cup of coffee and treat your sweet tooth with some delightful desserts; you crave for your favorite food and make efforts to satisfy the desire, which you never paid attention to earlier because your were busy satisfying others all the time. Frequent attacks of smiling while sitting alone, or while watching people and nature around; like kids playing in the park; puppies running after each other and their mother; beautiful families walking around, busy street vendors; fleet of birds flying in a pattern; mom and kids cuddling and kissing; and what not! Can’t even express!! But it’s magnificent!
And now, to you, your happiness matters and you have discovered the source too; it is your own individuality, your own decision to stay happy and trust God.