Should We Copy in Relationships?
A book I read recently, by a well known spiritual guru, talks about woman and her powers, and I came across a section which suggests on how to get over your insecurities , jealousy and desire for love when you find your man inclined towards other women? And the suggestion is to do the same as your man is doing to you, because it’s your right too.
I agree on the point of equality here, but I really find it ridiculous where it says & recommends copying the behavior of a married man, or a man in relationship who is inclined towards other women and making his woman suffer. I believe this is not what spiritualism guides you to; rather it’s the baby of materialism, where you want to satisfy your needs at any cost. Copying a wrong attribute or behavior is not a path to quench your thirst and fulfill your desires just because you think that the other person will feel and understand your problem when he faces the same. And, if it’s about thinking for our own individualities, our own dreams & desires, why do we get into relationships? What is the meaning of being into a relationship? It’s also mentioned in the book, if a man is involved in many other love affairs, his woman also has the right to live her own happiness and can get involved with other men. First of all, it’s not about men or women; it can be either ways, initiated by a man or a woman in a relationship.
But why the person should not copy his partner in terms of self-interest, fulfillment of material, emotional and sexual desires?
Firstly, the person who is suffering of betrayal or infidelity, or ignorance, knows the amount of pain that is caused due to this, so whoever is truly in love, true to his/her relationship,, or humane in nature will never cause that amount of pain to his/her partner.
Secondly, when a person realizes that his/her partner is doing something that is wrong and not acceptable, neither in society , nor in a personal relationship, and also, if the wrong behavior of that partner has troubled the family & relationships severely, why would a sane person do exactly the same to ruin the complete identity of that relationship?
Thirdly, a relationship as an entity or as a word has no existence when the people in it run in opposite directions to attain materialistic accomplishments. How can it be called a relationship? It becomes an agreement, like a rent agreement in most cases where the landlord and the tenant share the same house but they are not concerned to each other’s life. And an agreement is not a relationship. Even if one of the partners is walking in the wrong direction, it’s the other partner’s responsibility to help him/her get back to the right, but if he/she doesn’t come back, this should not make the other person to get on the wrong track too. It’s his/her choice how to make things better for himself/herself. I would never recommend clinging on to the person who no longer cares for you; I would never suggest lamenting over the situation and treating yourself as victim; I would also not say not to enjoy your life and freedom given by God. But’ copying the wrong behavior is not a solution.
I understand that a lot of times women have limited options and they have to settle for less, but believe me God never compromises on his children, and He never gives up on them. A good woman will always be in control, in control of God and His Will, in control of her kids’ love for her, their dependability on her, in control of the law of gratitude and the law of karma. And when she is control, she will make the best choices for herself and the family. And the same goes for a good man.
A lot of things in his/her life will take a backseat; I would not say to renounce those desires, or to pressurize oneself to an extent of explosion, but to let them subside for some time and put the priorities according to the need of the hour, keeping in mind all the consequences of the choices. And remember, those things at the backseat will be reached out eventually through the efforts that he/she is going to put during the transformation process. Ultimately, this transformation, upliftment of thoughts, actions and soul will prove beneficial for the partner who is trying to get things right, not for the one who is blindly walking into the black hole. But one should also not compromise on his/her values and self-respect; it’s your right to protect them and fight for them.
Lastly, the desire for love that goes missing when such occurrences happen can be rekindled in oneself through a lot of different ways, of getting closer to the people or friends who love you, getting close to nature and things you love to do; your kids’ love, or your parents’ love and support is the best medicine to this ailment.
Following the person who is walking blindly will close all the doors to happiness and when we say happiness, it means PERMANENT HAPPINESS, and that can only be achieved when you do what is right and not under the influence of temporary or momentary happiness, because then you will again get disheartened and discontented.